The Top 5 Worst Resume Objectives

The "Objective" is one of the most controversial parts of a resume. Some people say you should have one, others say you should leave it off. All I can say is that I've had various objectives listed on my resume and they may be the reasons I never got called. Here are five of my favorite objectives that I've had on my resume over the years:


5). "To get this job... Why the hell else would I be applying in the first place? Do you think I've got some other secret plan or some shit?"

This is an objective that really highlights the crux of the controversy. Is everyone's resume objective a redundant piece of horsecrap? That's what I tried to highlight with this one and apparently Red Lobster wasn't intrigued.


4). "To one day usurp control of a powerful company by slowly rising through the ranks after being accepted to a menial, entry-level position with said company."

I may have overdone it with this objective. Of course my tone was semi-sarcastic, though that is usually fairly difficult to detect through text. Of course I was hoping they'd be intrigued by it and want clarification, but Lady Foot Locker did not.





3). "To help provide violent diarrhea to the masses."

This was obviously my objective on resumes I sent out to Taco Bell. I guess they weren't ready to think outside their own bun and see that I was being facetious.


2). "To get a resume objective. Wait a minute... I already have one! Or DO I?!"

This was sort of my attempt at an abstract, confusing objective meant to tickle the employer's curiosity and intellect. Instead it just resulted in me never getting called back by Jiffy Lube.


1). "To get witcho mama and be ALL UPP INNN THAAATT!!!"
I was kind of frustrated and upset by the time I wrote this one. It's actually my current resume objective and I'm thinking about scrapping it soon as it has proven unfruitful to this point. I wonder if Men's Wearhouse will notice if I re-submit SANS insulting objective.


So are resume objectives pointless? Perhaps they are. Then again you should never assume the employer knows you want the job just because you applied and sent in your resume. Some of them are that damn stupid.