Dumbass Sayings: "Get A Grip"

Somehow the sentence "Get a grip" has become a common phrase in our times. It's supposed to mean "get a grip on reality" and it's meant to be said to people experiencing a nervous breakdown or any other kind of anxiety, but really it sounds more like something you'd say to a prostitute before a hand job. Whenever I hear someone tell another person to "Get a grip" I always chuckle a little bit, knowing the true meaning of the phrase. The problem with this saying is that it only makes sense as a hand job saying. When you use it in the common way it doesn't hold up to logical inspection. How can you get a grip on reality? Reality isn't a thing you can hold. It's the milieu in which the universe as we know it occurs. That's not something you can hold, fool. Maybe god can grip reality. Actually if he's god he probably can. He's the only one who could so when you tell someone to "Get a grip" you're either commanding them to be god or to jack you off. Both are usually unreasonable requests.

If you've never had a happy ending given to you by someone wearing scuba gloves, consider yourself lucky.

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