Ask McFartnuggets: “Is a Transformer’s Stick Shift its Genitals?”

Is that a manual transmission
or are you just happy to see me?
Dear McFartnuggets: Let’s say in the near future I buy a crappy used car somewhere and bring it home and it starts repairing itself and talking to me. I find out it’s a Transformer and it’s going to be my new best friend while it goes on to fight the Decepticons. Now if I’m driving in the car, or riding, and I touch the stick shift is that like me giving the Transformer a hand job? I’m worried about this. I don’t know where a Transformer’s dick is and I don’t want to make the wrong move that could jeopardize our friendship or bring our relationship to a place I don’t want to take it yet. Also if a plane went to refuel Starscream in midair would that be like anal? Thanks for answering. -- Shawn from Pasadena, California

Dear Shawn:
Transformers haven’t been documented to reproduce sexually therefore they require no genitals. Of course because they’re entirely fake this could change depending on who’s writing the story. If somehow you do meet a Transformer in the future I’m guessing you could just ask him before you touch the stick shift to avoid an awkward situation. However, I doubt it would be his genitals because the size ratio to his body would make that more like a clitoris and I’m not sure how that would work with another equal sized female Transformer. And in answer to your last question, yes.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and I’ll try to answer them no matter how weird they get.

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