Things You Should NEVER Put Hot Sauce On

I put that on EVERYTHING!

People who really love hot sauce make some weird claims like "I put that on EVERYTHING!" But the fact of the matter is, it's impossible to soak the entire planet in hot sauce and even IF you somehow managed to pull that off, the rest of the universe is still a "thing" so that's an impossible statement. You do not put hot sauce on EVERYTHING and here's a quick list of things you don't and should never put hot sauce on:

5). Dogs. - There's simply no reason to put hot sauce on dogs, the flavor is already rich enough JUST KIDDING. You know why not to put hot sauce on dogs, ya crazy!

4). Genitals. - Some people may differ, but as a man who has had pepper spray on his face and nutsack I have to say it is horrible. The burning is excruciating and even after soaking in baby shampoo and milk for days you still have the blistering and peeling of skin to deal with.

3). Police Officers. - They don't like this. If you pour hot sauce of a police officer make sure to bring extra for the guys in your holding cell at the precinct.

2). Corpses. - This is just disrespectful. Contrary to popular belief, the open casket funeral is not open casket so you can apply hot sauce.

1). Babies. - Babies and hot sauce do not mix. If you're one of these people who claims to put hot sauce on everything I sincerely hope you missed babies because that's bad news. If you're soaking babies in hot sauce you're wrong and I think deep down you know it. Please stop.