Dumbass Sayings: “I Know One Thing: That I Know Nothing”

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was quoted as saying “I know one thing: that I know nothing.” This is known as a Socratic paradox, but it’s really just nonsense. If you know nothing then you can’t be aware of that because that would mean you know something. First of all, everyone knows something. That’s the key to deciphering this statement. You could be the dumbest moron on the planet, you’d still know bacon tastes good, no air makes my lungs feel burning, or I just made poopies. So let’s cut the crap with the “I know nothing” bullshit. The proper way to say this famous quote is “I know one thing, that I only know one thing.” Knowing one thing would mean you don’t know nothing. You do know ONE thing which is more than nothing. So you don’t know nothing, you know next to nothing. Knowing just one thing is the closest to knowing nothing that you can ever get. There is no knowing nothing. Saying you only know one thing means that one thing is that you know only one thing aside from nothing which is you know that one thing. By the way, Socrates knew two things, one was that he knew nothing, the other was how to confuse the fuck out of people.

These days if a man walks around in a towel saying "I know one thing, that I know nothing" it's likely a hobo.