According to Newsweek, we're really in for it now because Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar has been taking more control of the infamous political movement know as "Taliban" (meaning "students"). As we all know, Mullah Mohammed Omar is the current leader of the Taliban, but Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar is his second in command and has increased his grasp of power with Omar being more and more of a reclusive leader. Now for those of you who are not familiar with Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, don't be worried, no one else knows who he is either, so you won't run into an uncomfortable situation where everyone at the party knows about him and you're the only one who doesn't and have to hide in the bathroom for twenty minutes before everyone is too drunk to remember your embarrassing lack of knowledge.Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar wants the Taliban to adapt to America's firepower by using more guerrilla tactics in battle. One of the nuggets of wisdom he's already doled out to his soldiers is, "Keep your weapons on your backs and be on your motorcycles." This should make for a big improvement in the Taliban's success as they had previously been holding their weapons in their laps while riding bicycles, which resulted in many "friendly fire" incidents.
There is, as of now, a ten million dollar bounty on the current Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar, but for my money, the bounty should be on MAGB. Yeah I just called him MAGB, get used to it, odds are you're going to hear a lot more about him, especially if someone decides to cash in on that Omar bounty. I'd consider it myself, but I don't deal well with desert heat, it makes my skin feel all prickly.
-Binkie McFartnuggets
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