Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Okay To Breastfeed Animals?”

Looks kinda like a deformed woman
with a big blue nipple.

Dear McFartnuggets: The other day I was looking through my neighbor’s living room window and she was breastfeeding her cat! Is this okay to do? I mean people drink cow milk so why can’t cats drink human milk? -- Nicole from Pittsburgh

Dear Nicole:

As long as the cat is enjoying it, I don’t see why it’s a problem, but I assume society will have a problem with this. The fact that humans drink cow milk is really the only exception to interspecies breastfeeding aside from goats. For some reason sucking the teats of any other animal is seen as disgusting and awful. For instance if you were to break into the zoo and breastfeed from a chimp or hippo not only would you be banned from the zoo for life, but you would be sent to jail and have to call your mother to bail you out. Keep in mind I said YOU in that example, not ME. And it doesn’t matter who’s doing the teatsucking either. It’s just as illegal to let a chimp suck on your nipples, or so I’m told by zookeepers.

Your neighbor is clearly a disturbed woman. A lot of people view their pets as their children, but I think breastfeeding them takes that concept a little too far. It’s really up to you whether you want to alert the ASPCA, but I doubt they’ll care either way. Putting your nipple in a cat’s mouth is a gamble every time. If that cat isn’t totally consenting then you better believe it’ll never happen again. Thanks for the question!

Keep on sending your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

Is It Wrong to Breastfeed Other People's Children?

A baby mix-up at a Minneapolis hospital resulted in one mother breastfeeding the wrong infant, causing distress for both women involved, according to ABC News. The baby's mother, Tammy Van Dyke, told ABC she could not stop crying on the way home from the hospital because the homecoming had not gone as she imagined.

I don't see what the big deal about this is. They had to give the baby an HIV and Hepatitis test, but that was the only real problem. They couldn't just HIV test the woman who breastfed the baby, because the possibility existed that she was contracting HIV from someone else while she was teatfeeding. That hospital really needs to get its shit together.

I think it's sad we live in a world where people get bent out of shape about boobfeeding. Nipples make milk. People drink milk. Case closed. Because public tittysucking is frowned upon by society, that sometimes forces women to let their baby suck on their boob in public bathrooms or port-a-potties often while shitting, which is horrible for the baby. People need to realize there are two sides to every nipple. Yes nipples are the pleasure centers of the human body and play a very crucial role in sex, but when they are feeding a person that's flipping the switch from sex to food source. The cafeteria lady was not thought of as sexy while she was giving you a Jamaican beef patty, but after school when she was giving you a Mexican fish Tostada in the boy's locker room that was a completely different story, do you see what I'm saying?

Basically as long as someone is willing to suck from your tiddie it's up to you whether or not to do it, but when you do that's your choice and you should be allowed to let it happen no matter who's going for a suckle. Now if one of the titfeeding partners is not consenting then that's wrong. A woman should not be forcing her wrinkly nipple into the mouth of a dog and a mall Santa should not be trying to bite the tit off the Mrs. Fields cookie girl. But if the boobiefeeding is consensual then I see no problem with where and how it goes down.