Dumbass Sayings: “Getting The Short End of The Stick”

When someone says you got the “short end of the stick” that basically means you got a bad deal. What sense does that really make? If you’re getting a stick, why would you only get an end of it? If you’re receiving the end of a stick then there’s a good chance that’s because it’s going up your ass. Or maybe you’re being beaten with an end of a stick. If that’s the case then getting the short end would be a GOOD THING. This saying is just completely confused and ridiculous. Some people even say “the long end of the stick” meaning the short end of the stick. Apparently they’re interchangable which makes absolutely no damn sense. No one really knows where this saying came from or why people even still use it. The only real acceptable form of this saying is getting the “wrong end of the stick.” You still have no idea how an end of a stick could be right or wrong, but at least it’s a little more straightforward. Saying you got the wrong end of the stick leaves less to the imagination. Why you’re still likening a scenario to receiving an end of a stick is beyond my understanding.

How can there even be a short end of a stick? A stick no matter what length would be seen as having two equal halves.

Dumbass Sayings: “Arguing On The Internet Is Like Competing In The Special Olympics”

Participating in the Special Olympics
is a great honor. Arguing online isn't.

Some people say “Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you’re still R-word.” This saying is completely terrible, wrong, and baffling. Arguing on the internet is pointless and idiotic, the Special Olympics does a lot of good for a lot of people. Arguing on the internet is basically all negative, nothing is ever gained from it. The Special Olympics is pretty much all positive and lots is gained: confidence, medals, chocolates, etc. The only thing Special Olympics and internet arguing have in common is they’re fun to watch sometimes. That’s the only similarity that exists between the two, except internet arguing is a joke and the Special Olympics is deadly serious business to help people. Special Olympians might not be scientists, but they’re smart enough to not waste their time with nonstop arguing back and forth in comments sections and message boards.

The baffling thing about this saying is that it’s said by people who are against internet arguing. These are people who are supposedly smarter than those who argue on the internet and yet they’re saying something really ignorant. This either means that they really are the type of people who argue on the internet or that people who argue on the internet are even farther below them which is a level of stupidity difficult to fathom.

Dumbass Sayings: “Hot And Bothered”

"I have typhoid fever,
let's get it on."

When I’m on a bus in the middle of July and a hobo walks up to me smelling like a wet garbage bag of dead racoon asses preaching crazy religious nonsense at me, at that moment I am “Hot and bothered.” Does that mean I want to have intercourse with the hobo? Of course not. Yet, when I tell him “Excuse me, you’re making me very hot and bothered” he gets the wrong idea. I’m just using normal English. I don’t subscribe to archaic sayings whose meanings are only maintained out of tradition. Why does “Bothered” mean horny? I guess that means when a woman says “Get away, you’re bothering me” it really means she’s getting turned on. No? That’s not what it means? Alright then I guess we can all agree “Hot and bothered” shouldn’t mean horny then and it’s a stupid saying that should be retired from modern usage altogether because it’s giving people the wrong idea!

Dumbass Sayings: “The Customer Is Always Right”

But just because you're right
doesn't mean people will listen to you.
This IS America.

Perhaps the most idiotic yet widely spoken saying is “The customer is always right”. Everyone knows it’s bullshit yet it’s still a saying that most businesses utilize to enhance customer service. It’s such a dumb saying that even businesses who say it don’t really believe it. If the customer was always right then someone could come into the store claiming they deserve free stuff or that the business is terrible and should be shut down. A customer would be able to walk in naked and get service if they think that all people should be nude. The customer could demand that all the employees take their clothes off and join him in the freedom of nudity. However when I do this, I am not only asked to leave, but I am never allowed back to that Dunkin Donuts again. So guess what? The customer isn’t ALWAYS right. The customer is right under “reasonable circumstances”. The problem is that EVERYONE is right under reasonable circumstances. This saying is completely worthless and should be erased from all usage to avoid confusion.