Dumbass Sayings: “You Know You’re a 90’s Kid if…”

You know you’re a 90’s kid if... You were born in the 1980s. That’s how that saying should end. How would you not know if you were a 90’s kid? Either you were or you weren’t, it’s a matter of your birth date above all else. If someone says “You know you’re a 90’s kid if you loved Kenan and Kel and played with Gak!” Yeah you might have been a 90’s kid or you might have been some weird old guy who just really liked watching NIckelodeon in the 1990’s. That’s not necessarily indicative of whether or not you were a child during the 90’s. What’s all this horseshit about “Being a 90’s kid” or “Being an 80’s kid” or “Being a 50’s kid”? You experienced things during a time period in which you were growing up, it’s not an achievement or anything to be proud about. Speaking of which, what are today’s kids going to call themselves, provided humanity survives long enough for reminiscing? Will they call themselves “10’s kids”? That sounds really weird. Really the only thing 90’s kids can brag about is that they’re not 10’s kids or 00’s kids (however the fuck you’re supposed to say that). What will they even look back on? What is there right now that people will ever be fond of? Toys these days suck. You would think they could have improved thanks to technology, but nope. All the best toys came out decades ago and the same is true with TV and music. 90’s kids were probably the last generation of kids who can define themselves by a decade like that. Let’s hope we can reverse climate change so there’s a slight possibility of 30’s and 40’s kids some day.

You know you're a 90's kid if you grew up during the Rwandan genocide.

5 Reasons Why Numbered Lists Are Taking Over The Internet

Slowly, but surely every single article you read online will be in the form of a list. The number of items in the list don’t even have to be classic like Top 10 or Top 25, you’ll find lots of articles that say shit like “17 Reasons God Hates You” or “73 Ways To Get Dog Vomit Out of Your Lingerie”. It’s a little tiring to see over and over again, but everyone loves reading these things and here’s why:

1.) People like categorized information. It’s in the human brain’s nature to group information about everything in life to make it more digestible. Whether it’s grouping food into “dairy” and “gluten-free”, or grouping people by ethnicity or even grouping dumbass internet articles, your brain loves grouping things.

2.) You can stop reading at any time and walk away like you gained some information. Most articles that are not made of listed bullet points require reading the entire thing to feel like you absorbed the information, but with lists you can just read random points quickly and gain information or if it’s a Top 36 list you can just scroll to the bottom and save yourself the time of reading the rest of the bullshit.

3.) The internet loves fads. When something has proven to be successful everyone else jumps on board like a bunch of brainless lemmings. In today’s internet culture we like to think everyone’s original and interesting, but the fact of the matter is people are even more brain dead than ever before and can’t wait for the next bandwagon to jump on so they can feel the comfort of being similar to millions of complete strangers.

4.) They’re easy to write. Writing a single cohesive article that flows together into one single thought can be very challenging, but if you just say “Here’s 5 things about something…” You can just write out the numbers first then add your stupid bullshit in throughout the day without losing a train of thought because there is none.

5.) You can just make up the last one when you realize you don't have a complete list. Then you can just cap it off with a summary.

People love numbered lists, bloggers like writing them and old women love reading them. That’s 97% of the internet right there so as long as that’s true numbered lists will be come more prevalent until every single thing on the internet is a damn list. Won’t be long before you log onto Jackmaster.org or whatever porn site and you see things like “Top 74 Interracial Bukkakes” and “39 Reasons You Need A Bigger Vagina”