The Top 5 Most Annoying Foods to Listen to People Eat

As human beings we all have to do certain things in order to survive like sleep, drink, eat, and defecate. For some weird reason, all of those things can be very annoying or off-putting to listen to when someone else is doing them. Here are the top 5 most annoying foods to hear someone eat when you’re alone together in the same room:

5. Pop Rocks

Fortunately not too many people eat Pop Rocks anymore, but when they do it’s fairly distracting. You’re trying to relax in the waiting room at your proctologist’s office and you got some lady sitting there with a mouthful of crackling gravel.

If you want to have something bust in your mouth, do it in private.

4. Chips

If you’re ever in a quiet room with someone and they’re eating chips you usually have to leave. There’s no quiet way to eat chips. The best you can do is put one in your mouth and let the saliva dissolve it into a paste. Unfortunately, no one does that.

Always lick your fingers instead of sucking them, it makes less sound and it's classier.

3. Soup

One of the worst foods to listen to someone eat has to be soup. There’s something about the sound of slurping that makes you want to incapacitate whoever’s doing it. The doctors call it “Misophonia” which means “a hatred of sounds.” Still, are there people who actually enjoy the sound of slurping? I think this is a bullshit condition like “Hoplophobia” being “the fear of guns.” Anyone would fear a gun if it was pointed in their face and no one likes being near someone slurping soup.

Unless you have some sort of mouth deformity, there's no excuse for slurping. Figure out how to use your food hole properly.

2. Crab legs

Fortunately, not many people eat crab legs in otherwise quiet settings, but when it does happen you’re in for the opposite of a treat. Between the cracking of the exoskeleton and the sucking of the meat out of the legs, this would be the number one most annoying meal to listen to if it wasn’t for...

Nothing's more appetizing than the thought of giant sea spiders.

1. Cereal

Cereal is the number one most annoying sounding food because it combines aspects of all the other foods on this list. If you’re eating a cereal like Rice Krispies then they can crackle like Pop Rocks. Cereal is meant to be crunchy so you get the terrible crunching sound like chips and crab legs. And because it’s eaten via spoon out of a bowl with milk it’s just like soup and slurping is very common. When you add all that together it’s a cacophony of horrible noises.

You're looking at a veritable symphony of Misophonia.

Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People People Sound So Disgusting When They Eat?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Have you ever been in a quiet room with someone else while they're eating? Why does it sound so weird? Eating food is such a natural and universal activity so why would the sound of it be so disturbing? I seriously can't even concentrate when someone in a quiet room is eating. It's so distracting and gross. The sound of the food squishing in the mouth and the mouth juices and chewing. It's just awful. Why are humans like this? -- Nicholas from Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Nicholas:

The human body is a strange, disgusting machine. When you think about it, most of the sounds it makes are disturbing and difficult to ignore. It's hard to ignore a fart or a burp or someone's stomach rumbling. The whole reason we're not used to these sounds is there's usually something in the background of life making noise to mask our body sounds. In human history there was always a campfire or wind howling while people ate. In today's world we can be isolated with each other in buildings and soundproof rooms so having to deal with people's eating sounds is a relatively new issue for humans to contend with. Fortunately most people have portable music these days so it should never be a huge problem. Just put your Walkman on or whatever the hell you kids are doing these days with your confangled music devices.

The sound of eating is just narrowly better than the sound of food on its way out.

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