Dumbass Sayings: “Hair of the Dog That Bit Me”

Sometimes you’ll hear your Uncle Jeff wake up after a night out drinking say “I need some hair of the dog that bit me!” Then he takes a bottle of Jack Daniels and starts chugging away. This is a really absurd saying. “Hair of the dog” is something generally said by alcoholics who believe that the best way to fight a hangover is to drink more of the thing that they got hammered on the night before. I don’t know why it’s called hair of the dog though. You shit your pants in the back of a cop car, that had nothing to do with a dog. This saying just flat out doesn’t make sense. Let’s say a dog bit you, why would you even go near it again much less start consuming its fur? That’s ridiculous. What you should be doing is getting yourself checked for rabies and staying away from wild dingos. And you’re just drinking more of the same thing, that’s not the hair of the dog, that’s the whole dog. If anything it’s the puppy of the dog that bit you, except instead of being cute, it’s alcoholism.

Yeah that was the little bastard! Now let's shave him and get this over with.

Dumbass Sayings: “Up For Whatever”

Bud Light’s newest ad campaign features people on fake hidden cameras enjoying wacky nights out after saying they’re “Up for whatever.” This is just a flat out dumb phrase. It used to be “Up for anything” then it drank a bunch of Bud Light and became “Up for whatever.” That just sounds worse. It doesn’t nearly have the optimism as “up for anything.” Saying you’re “Up for whatever” is one of the stupidest things you can do because “whatever” entails a lot. You can say you’re “up for whatever” then you end up drugged by a transgender serial killer and locked in a basement where the floors are littered with baby skulls. That would technically classify as “whatever.” Then you have to look at yourself in the reflection in the pool of blood and think “I asked for this…” That’s a painful moment. You can’t be vague when it comes to what you want to do during a night out because that’s when trouble starts. Bud Light commercials only show the positive things that can happen to you when you’re up for whatever like meeting Don Cheadle. They don’t show the negatives like waking up in a homeless dumpster orgy wearing a pink cocktail dress you’ve never seen before. Have a plan when you’re going out. Set specific goals for yourself, visualize, and achieve them because in reality, wandering around drunk rarely ends well. And no, a woman telling you she’s “Up for whatever” doesn’t legally count as consent.

How can being "up for whatever" and being "down for whatever" mean the same thing?