Dumbass Sayings: “Knuckle Up”

Sometimes when you accidentally bump into a woman while riding your scooter to work she says “Alright, bitch! You wanna do this? Knuckle up! Let’s do this! KNUCKLE UP!” This is apparently the new, hip way to say “Put your dukes up!” That didn’t make sense to say back then and “knuckle up” doesn’t make much more sense now. This sounds more like something you say right before you fist someone in the ass and/or vagina. I think this may have originated as a derivation of “Buckle up” which is a far more important statement to make. I will never argue with “Buckle up!” because of how important auto safety is, but “Knuckle up” is just stupid. First off, I don’t fight with my knuckles up so this saying is completely worthless to me. I use a Drunken Praying Mantis style which is unorthodox, confusing, and dangerously effective. Second, why would you tell someone to put their knuckles up? “Hey I’m gonna beat the shit out of you, but first I want to make sure you’re defending yourself properly.” No, if you really want to hurt someone you won’t say “Knuckle up!” You’ll pretend like everything’s okay and you’re not upset, wait for them to turn around, pick up a brick and smash them in the back of the head with it. So if someone ever says “Knuckle up” you can pretty much just take them as a complete joke knowing they really aren’t that angry and also are completely unfamiliar with how to defend Drunken Praying Mantis.

Who do you think you are? John Camel Heenan?!

Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Not Worth It”

Sometimes when you’re at Bingo night at the local recreation center and you get into a kerfuffle with a 70-year-old woman named Gladice, she will lunge at you then stop and say “Eh, you’re not worth it…”

I’m not worth it? Worth what? Getting your ass kicked? Let’s think about this phrase for a second. If I’m NOT worth it, then who IS worth it? Who would be worth getting into a fight with? A rapist? A murderer? Hitler? You know, if that’s the case then I don’t want to be worth it, so thanks! That’s a compliment. You’re damn right I’m not worth it. I’m worth MORE, bitch. Now sit your ass down and Bingo with some damn decorum, you classless whore.

They're worth it, I'm not.

Dumbass Sayings: “Bring It!”

OUCH! THAT'S MY EYE!

When you’re at Dave & Busters eating chicken wings and you accidentally spill beer on a woman sometimes her husband will stand up and say “You wanna go? Okay, punk! BRING IT! BRING IT!” Excuse me? Bring it? Bring what? A bag of orange slices? Spinach dip? A bottle of wine? What exactly am I supposed to be bringing here? I don’t understand this saying at all. I think what they mean to say is “Bring an apology” in which case, fine “I’m sorry.” I have no problem with apologizing for a misunderstanding. Usually people don’t bring an apology though, they bring drunken rage and a fight ensues. Whenever someone tells me to “Bring it” I answer right back by saying “Bring it!” We keep shouting this at each other a few times until everyone is thoroughly confused and we just walk away.