Dumbass Sayings: “Nothing Could Be Further From The Truth”

Sometimes when you confront your significant other about the used condom you found under your pillow the look on her face is like “Oh shit…” But she claims she’s not cheating and that “Nothing could be further from the truth!” Okay, even if by some chance you’re not cheating and that condom was one of mine that I forgot about months ago, didn’t notice, and it somehow stayed moist this whole time… Of course there are things that are farther from the truth than that! I’m a Victorian Era ham sandwich who speaks fluent German and Mars is full of Danny DeVito clones who dance the Nutcracker Suite on an infinite loop while rubbing cottage cheese on their breasts. Could that sentence be just a little farther from the truth than the idea of you cheating on me? Because if it’s not then I’m very worried about what we’re going to find on Mars in future exploratory missions there.

The furthest thing from the truth is belief.

Dumbass Sayings: “I’ll See You in Hell!”

Sometimes when your deranged ex-wife breaks into your house and aims a shotgun at your chest, right before you kick it off to the side and it discharges into the wall she screams “I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL!” This is such a silly thing to say to someone. First of all you’re admitting that you yourself deserve to be in hell. Why would you ever do that? Most people want to claim the moral high ground over their rivals, but saying “I’ll see you in hell” puts you on their exact level. Also, why would you say the  “I’ll see you…” part? It’s basically like saying “I’ll see ya later!” If you hate someone why would you make a statement like that anticipating a future encounter? Isn’t the whole idea that you hate this person and never want to see them again? Why would you put yourself in a situation where not only do you see them again, but you’re both in Hell forever where you’re bound to run into each other fairly often. Just say something like “I hope you enjoy Hell” in a sarcastic tone instead. What’s wrong with that?

Satan must play host to a great deal of reunions.