Ask McFartnuggets: “I Met a Woman Named Niamh Today, Isn’t That a Type of Battery?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I was at a party where I met a woman named Niamh. At first I didn’t know that’s how it was spelled. When I found out the spelling I thought it looked oddly familiar. Isn’t that a type of battery? Who the fuck is naming their kids after batteries? What’s next? Naming babies Li-ion or even Duracell?! -- Nicholas from Minneapolis, Minnesota

Dear Nicholas:

I believe what you’re referring to is a NiMH battery or a nickel-metal hydride battery. To be fair, it’s very close to Niamh, just missing one letter. Niamh is actually an Irish name which explains why it’s so odd looking. It is likely that whoever first wrote it was very drunk at the time, of course I’m joking. It means “bright” or “radiant” so it’s actually a very nice name if you ignore the comparisons to a laptop power source. Oddly enough, NiMH batteries are very explosive so they can prove to be rather bright and radiant in their own way. Funny how that works. Well thanks for the question!

People who name their kids after batteries might look dumb now, but what if The Matrix is real and people really are batteries?

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Ask McFartnuggets: "How Come You Never Meet Any Black Women Named Stephanie?"

This is what you imagine
when you try to picture
a Stephanie.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

How come you never meet any Black women named Stephanie? -- Neil from Vermont

Dear Neil:

There are just some names that aren't popular with certain ethnicities or backgrounds. You might not see too many Black women named Stephanie or Amber for the same reason you don't meet too many White women named Latoya or Latisha. It's the same reason you don't meet too many White men named DeAndre or Treyshaun. It's the same reason you don't meet too many Asian people named Yitzhak. People tend to name their babies things that are acceptable in the social circles and culture. Maybe one day as our cultures become more and more mixed up you might start seeing Black women named Tiffany and White women named Charmisha.

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