Black Licorice Kills People

The Federal Drug Administration has announced that Black Licorice can lower potassium levels to dangerous levels. This news is sure to spoil Halloween for all the kids out there who love delicious treats. If there was anything left in the world you thought was truly wholesome and perfect it was black licorice and now we find out in fact there is a flaw. Of course! Just like hookers would be perfect if it wasn't for STDs, licorice too has a fatal flaw. This is awful news for licorice lovers, but don't worry an easy substitute for this tasty treat is a HOBO'S ASSHOLE. Find a local hobo, ask to give him a rim job, he will usually oblige, and then dig away at it. If you close your eyes it's just like eating black licorice. MMM MMMMMM!!!

Smartphone Animated Halloween Costume T-Shirts?

Digital Dudz is a company that makes Halloween themed t-shirts that are animated by smartphones. Basically you sew an iPhone into the shirt to make it look like a beating heart or a twitching eye. It's a really cool idea because who the fuck wouldn't want cell phone radiation pressed directly against their chest for hours at a time? Don't forget to pick up one for the kids that way they can get cancer and have their phone stolen all at once!

Other Things NOT to Do During a JOB INTERVIEW

Halloween is here and that means one thing: JOB INTERVIEWS. God if I had a nickel for every time I got called in for a job interview I'd be able to not even need to go to a job interview, I could just stay home and get paid nickels for sending out job applications. That'd be weird. Here's a video I found that could help. GOOD LUCK!

Monster Energy Drink Kills People

Uncle Jeff (Monster)

Yes Monster Energy Drink kills people. Red Bull kills people. Coffee can kill people. Caffeine is a drug. News of Monster killing people should only boost sales by showing they have a superior, stronger product. If I'm purchasing a drug I'd rather have the one that's killed a bunch of people over the one that hasn't. They could call it Murderer Energy Drink and people would still buy it. It's not called Fluffy Kitten Energy Drink. If Fluffy Kitten was killing people then I'd be worried, but it's called Monster. Killing people is what monsters do.

If you need energy then it's because you naturally don't have what it takes to deal with life so if you need to risk it for a boost then that's totally worth it. Also if you're a child you probably shouldn't be hanging around monsters whether it's a beverage or "Uncle Jeff".

Holiday of Death

 Halloween is the only day of the year when you can have a fucking corpse on your porch and it actually ATTRACTS children. If you're planning to kill someone, do yourself a favor and do it on Halloween. You're WAY less likely to be caught. You can drive down to the ravine with a dead man in a Glad Forceflex bag and people will honk and yell "AWESOME CORPSE!" 

The only real negative to Halloween is since I'm lazy I tend to leave all the weird shit up the way normal people do with Christmas trees so in mid May there'll still be a bleeding skull on my door. On the plus side I tend to be left alone by the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I think I'm going trick-or-treating as Donald Trump this year. It's an easy costume, all I need is a business suit and a dead chihuahua to wear on my head.

What NOT to do in a Job Interview

With job season coming up it's important to keep in mind things you should avoid doing to give yourself the best shot during a job interview. Here is a helpful instructive video I found. I hope it helps! Good luck!

Can Libya Swing The Election?

People are trying to say how the attacks in Cincinnati Bengals or whatever is gonna change the Presidential election, but how is that possible? Who honestly cares what happens in Libya? Sorry, but if your country sounds kind of like "Library" you've lost most Americans right off the bat. Try renaming yourself "Stripclubya". Sure it was sad that the ambassador died, but no one knew who that was either. People need to cut the bullshit and stop pretending they care about shit they really don't just so it makes them look patriotic. You know what I care about and is still patriotic? Cakes and cheese. Can we just elect cakes and cheese president of America? You know that's what everyone wants! I'd bearhug the shit out of THAT with my MOUTH. We'd have to put a new cake in the White House every few hours because visitors and interns would get to put the President in their mouth which has only happened like twice before.

I MAKE A TWITTER

Find me on these new technology websites.

I make a twitter... www.twitter.com/mcfartnuggets

I make a book of faces... http://www.facebook.com/McFartnuggets

And in closing, I wish you and yours the happiest of National Breast Cancer Awareness Months. Let's find that fucking cure!