What can YOU do to stop Swine Flu?

First of all, don't do what this dumbass in the picture is doing. Look at that sneeze mist, every bead of moisture is teeming with potentially death bringing bacteria. We need to start looking at things clinically, sneezing in public these days is like spritzing a bottle of Anthrax in the air. If someone was doing that, I'm pretty sure they'd be tackled and put in jail. Sneezing still remains legal, but I am working on it.

If you're in a crowded area, hold your sneeze! Your lungs will not burst, that's a myth! You might get an erratic heartbeat and maybe go into cardiac arrest, but hey, better you than the room full of people! At least hold it until you can find a bag to sneeze into, then properly dispose of the bag, do not rub it on an enemy. You might make your enemy sick, but who knows who that enemy will go on to infect, perhaps one of your loved ones, and poetically speaking that's exactly what would happen, think McFly, THINK!

You need to start putting aside cultural and social rules for the sake of survival. Normally if you see a child sneezing into their hands or coughing into the air, you might just ignore it, but the time for ignorance is over. You cannot be afraid to tell that little phucker to cover his mouth or sneeze into a brown paper bag. Would you sacrifice millions of lives just to protect the feelings of one inconsiderate random child? You have to embarrass these people, we all have to. The person coughing straight ahead must be made into a social pariah and fast. If someone you know has been seen not covering a cough, you have to cut them off completely until they are ready to reform their behaviors.

If you see anyone with these symptoms in the act of coughing or sneezing, you must make a citizen's arrest and throw them into the nearest locker or garbage bin (if garbage bin, seal the top off with plastic wrap until thrashing stops).

A lot of people want to ignore safety because of how the media is overindulging themselves with the H1N1 coverage, but we can't afford even a few Asians in the armor here. Everyone has to be aware of the dangers and that doesn't mean we all need the vaccine. If all of us practice proper coughing and sneezing etiquette then there is no need for the vaccine or even Purell! Purell is very overrated and slowly eating your immune system alive. If you remember to not get mucus on your hands we should all make it through this. That is my new slogan for everyone to remember "Keep the mucus off your hands!"

-Binkie McFartnuggets