Why do we need to find water on The Moon?

NASA recently spent 79 million dollars (which is almost enough to hire a professional sports star for 5 years) to crash a satellite into our Moon. At the moment they say "it worked", but really, how could it have not? How incompetent do you have to be to not be able to crash something into the Moon with the proper equipment? That would have been embarrassing.

Now the question is, did they find water? But the real question is, why do they need water? Well, it would be very expensive to transport water to the Moon and they would feel awful dumb if they found out there was water there already. But let's delve into that some more. Who is going to be on the Moon and need large amounts of water? I sure as hell won't. Are they doing this as a first step to colonize the Moon? Or are they doing this just for future astronaut missions?

If it's just for astronauts, screw them, they can take along a thermos. But if it's for a grander operation, then maybe it's time for us to slow down a little. Even if they do find water, it'll be Moon water, yuck! Who wants a glass of that? Probably has moon creature herpes in it. And what if there's only some and not enough to be useful? We're taking the Moon for granted here, if it was pristine, would we be smashing things into it? No. But since it's all riddled with craters we figure we can keep smashing it. It's like treated a seasoned prostitute rough just for the sake of it, cut the ho some slack!

The end result of all this is meaningless, the real issue here is that they took a 79 million dollar gamble on some shit that we don't really need at the moment. And even if we ignore the current situation of the nation, there's another thing to ponder, how much water does 79 million dollars buy? Well right now around 79 million bottles. If water becomes super valuable in the future that might change, but how far ahead are we talking about here? I don't mind keeping an ear and eye out for alien radio transmissions and large objects coming at us, but this kind of stuff is ridiculous. At the very least you're going to piss off the Man on the Moon, and he's been relatively peaceful up until now.

-Binkie McFartnuggets