What's the deal with Huggies "Little Mover" diapers?

Apparently someone thought it was a good idea to make a new kind of Huggies with a more contoured shape that features less bulk in the front with more space in the back for added comfort and mobility. I've been a Huggies user for years and I don't like change, but aside from my own personal problems, this just doesn't make sense.

Who the hell wants babies to be more mobile? Isn't that a bad thing? The whole point of a diaper is to constrict a baby and act like an underwear anchor to keep them from getting into more danger. Have you ever seen a naked baby on the street? No, because they're all dead. Babies with good mobility end up with an esophagus full of fiberglass insulation or get hit by cars. If we slow the babies down, they can be caught up to just in the nick of time before they drink out of a Drano bottle while you weren't paying attention.

Fast babies simply don't make sense, that's why they're not naturally fast. Evolution wouldn't want quick babies, so instead they're slow and kind of retarded. Anyone who has to wear a bag on their ass to capture feces should not be moving any faster than 2 miles an hour. That's the way I've always felt and that's the way I'll continue to feel, at least until I try these new diapers out and find out they're actually more comfortable than I was first led to believe.

-Binkie McFartnuggets