Is a Vermont Teddy Bear a Good Gift For Valentine's Day?

Every year you start seeing commercials for the four foot tall Vermont Teddy Bears. Are women really stupefied and entranced by a giant stuffed bear? I think they must enjoy it at first and appreciate the gesture, but then you've got a gigantic ass teddy bear around the house.

And if you're lucky enough to still be together you have to somehow top that the next Valentine's Day. At that point a simple teddy bear is no longer a valid gift ever again. You have to keep increasing the size each year to the point you're making your own bears out of pool tarp and fiberglass housing insulation. This may be America where bigger is better, but I think a better use of the stuffing and materials would be to make a hundred smaller bears and hand them out to homeless or sick children, but that's just me. What do I know? I only have a heart of gold.

The only time I would ever entertain the idea of buying a five foot teddy bear for a hundred dollars is if I was dating a midget. If they had Vermont Teddy Bears when I was still dating my ex then I would have sprung for the giant bear because it would also double as an extra napping bed for her. Seeing your midget girlfriend snuggled up in a bear five times her size is adorable and that's a true gift.