Dumbass Sayings: “You Wouldn’t Know What to Do with Me If You Got Me”

Sometimes after a woman turns you down at the club she says “You wouldn’t even know what to do with me if you got me!” What kind of a thing is this to say to someone? Of course I know what I’d do... I’d tie you to a futon in my basement, strip naked, then put on a pair of high heels and a mask of pig flesh and dance the Macarena as you watched paralyzed in fear. Then I would turn on an olde tyme phonograph that played circus music and begin basting you with brown gravy as I sniffed you. You know, the usual romantic foreplay stuff. Don’t tell me I wouldn’t know what to do with you! I’ve been thinking about it for the past seven months as I’ve been following you around from where you work. Obviously I’ve put a lot of thought into this so don’t you dare insult my imagination like that! This is probably the worst thing a woman can say because it just makes you want to try harder. Why would you challenge someone like that? Probably because YOU don’t know what I’d do to you if I got you. You’re the one who doesn’t know! I KNOW! You don’t know what I know. You think you know what I don’t know, but you don’t know what you don’t know which is what I know that you think you know that I know which you don’t!

Whatever I did, it wouldn't involve taking that thing around your neck off. I'm leaving that on, baby!