Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Never Too Old to Go Trick or Treating”

Sometimes on October 31st you’ll have a grown man dressed like Miley Cyrus ring your doorbell, demand bite sized Snickers while screaming “You’re never too old to go trick or treating!” before he vomits Starburst and Reese’s all over your porch. First of all, yes we are trying to get Uncle Jeff the help he needs. Second, this popular Halloween phrase is a complete lie. You CAN be too old to go trick or treating. Have you ever seen a 90-year-old trick or treating by themselves? Seeing an elderly person out trick or treating would just be weird. You would ask them their name and if they had any emergency contact numbers with them because there’s a decent chance they are suffering from dementia and wandered away from the retirement home. Sure a 20-year-old can get away with trick or treating sometimes and people as old as 50 still dress up in costumes for parties. But once you get into the 70’s you really stop dressing up in costumes. When was the last time you saw an 80-year-old dress up like Elvis, a hobo or Caitlyn Jenner? Elderly folks rarely get into costume much less go out door to door asking for free treats. You know why that is? Because you actually can be too old to go trick or treating. Halloween is all about death and the macabre. When you’re nearing death’s door the last thing you want is to masquerade around dressed like a skeleton or a ghost.

What's scarier than a man pretending to be a kid on Halloween?