Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Still Considered a Hit and Run if I Drove Away?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Long story short I hit someone with my car and I know that’s wrong and a bad thing to do, but I don’t think what I did qualifies as a “hit and run” because I just drove away. I didn’t run. I know sometimes people hit someone with their car so hard that their car breaks and they have to run away on foot and those people often get caught and arrested because they did a “hit and run.” I didn’t run though, I drove. That doesn’t count as a “hit and run” right? -- Norman from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Dear Norman:

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight… Technically what you did would be considered a “hit and run” by law enforcement and the judicial system. I know the verbiage is a a bit misleading, but simply leaving the scene of the collision is considered “running.” It doesn’t matter if you drove away, crawled away, or flew away with a jet pack. As long as you left and were not present and held accountable at the scene of the incident that is a punishable offense and a quite serious one at that. The right thing to do would be to turn yourself in, but for future reference just know that leaving after you run someone over is only making the situation worse. Hope that helps.

Actually it's rare that a hit-and-run results in someone leaving their bloody car on fire and running away on foot. 

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Dumbass Sayings: “Hit And Run”

No that's a Hit and RUNS!

Sometimes when you’re driving home in a rush because you’re about to shit your pants and you accidentally run over an old lady in the neighborhood and you continue to drive because you really don’t want to have an accident the police call that a “Hit and run.” Why do they call it “Hit and run”? You don’t RUN you DRIVE. If you actually run then you must have either hit a really fat person that broke your car with their body or you’re high on bath salts or meth and have no grasp on logic or reality. Look, I had to poop okay? What did you want me to do? I’ll take a “Hit and run” over a “Shit and run” any time. I think most of us would. Of course I’m upset about someone denting my car and normally I would stop and get their insurance information, but I was really going to crap my pants. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that can be? I’d rather get hit by a car than shit my pants in public. So yeah I went home and took a dump before I returned to give that person a piece of my mind, why should I be punished extra for that? It makes no sense. You know in baseball when there’s a man on first and he gets sent running with the pitch so the batter can make contact and move him over to second more easily? THAT’S a hit and run. Running someone over and not stopping is a “Hit and speed away while sweating profusely.” Let’s get the terminology straight.