Dumbass Sayings: “Up Your Nose With A Rubber Hose”

Was "Welcome Back, Kotter"
really about a serial killer?

The famous television character Vincent Barbarino made the saying “Up your nose with a rubber hose” a commonplace utterance in the parlance of the mid to late 70’s. It was such a popular catchphrase that people still say it to this day. But let’s just take a moment to really think about what this means. What does it mean to put a rubber hose up someone’s nose? The only scenario I can think of where that happens is during nasogastric intubation.

Nasogastric intubation is a medical procedure where a tube is put into the nose and down the throat leading to the stomach so that food or medicine can be administered. You would have to be in pretty bad shape to require this procedure. Some conditions that require tube feeding are: prematurity, malnutrition, neurologic and neuromuscular disorders, inability to swallow, anatomical and post-surgical malformations of the mouth and esophagus, cancer, sanfilippo syndrome and digestive disorders.

So when you tell someone “Up your nose with a rubber hose” you’re basically telling them you want them to get any of those previously listed medical conditions. That is a disgusting and horrible thing to wish on another person. Those are the only reasons someone would ever need a hose up their nose so there’s no argument to be made about what you’re implying. “Up your nose with a rubber hose” is basically like telling someone “Get esophageal cancer and a neurological disorder that makes you irrevocably anorexic.” What kind of monster would say that to another human being?

No one should ever be in a situation where they need a rubber hose up their nose.

Dumbass Sayings: “2 Out Of 3 Ain’t Bad”

When it comes to baseball,
2 out of 3 is great.
Not so with Presidents.

The famous philosopher Meat Loaf once said “Two out of three ain’t bad”, but he couldn’t really be farther from the truth. If you have three children and your house catches fire and the firefighters are able to rescue only two of the kids you don’t sit there thinking “Two out of three ain’t bad!” No, it’s still pretty devastating. If someone walks up to you in front of your burned house, puts their hand on your shoulder while you’re crying and says “Hey, two out of three ain’t bad…”  you would rightfully attack that person. That is a terrible thing to say AND think. Also, two out of three is 66.6%. Three sixes is the mark of Satan. That sounds pretty bad to me.

Now maybe if they were identical triplets it’s a little easier to take losing one since you have two duplicates remaining, but if you have three individual children who have their own distinct appearances and personalities, losing even 33.3% of them is definitely “bad”.