Dumbass Sayings: “A Parent Should Never Outlive Their Child”

If you want your
child to outlive you,
don't do this when 
you're drunk.

Sometimes when a parent finds out their child is terminally ill people will tell them “A parent should never outlive their child.” That seems like it might be a harmless enough thing to say, but if you actually pay attention it sort of sounds like you’re telling the parent to kill themselves. If you’re telling them that a parent should never outlive their child and they know their child will be dying soon then to fulfill that belief they will have to commit suicide. These parents are having a hard enough time as it is dealing with the impeding loss of their child. Who are you to tell them to kill themselves? They’re probably already thinking about it so don’t even go there. Instead, try saying “Children should live longer than their parents.” That basically means the same thing you’re trying to say except it frames it in a more positive light. Instead of focusing on the parent killing themselves it focuses on the child’s health and getting them to outlive their parents. Just be careful with the words you choose around people especially when they’re dealing with a family crisis.

Dumbass Sayings: “2 Out Of 3 Ain’t Bad”

When it comes to baseball,
2 out of 3 is great.
Not so with Presidents.

The famous philosopher Meat Loaf once said “Two out of three ain’t bad”, but he couldn’t really be farther from the truth. If you have three children and your house catches fire and the firefighters are able to rescue only two of the kids you don’t sit there thinking “Two out of three ain’t bad!” No, it’s still pretty devastating. If someone walks up to you in front of your burned house, puts their hand on your shoulder while you’re crying and says “Hey, two out of three ain’t bad…”  you would rightfully attack that person. That is a terrible thing to say AND think. Also, two out of three is 66.6%. Three sixes is the mark of Satan. That sounds pretty bad to me.

Now maybe if they were identical triplets it’s a little easier to take losing one since you have two duplicates remaining, but if you have three individual children who have their own distinct appearances and personalities, losing even 33.3% of them is definitely “bad”.

Dumbass Sayings: “Busier Than A One Legged Man In An Ass Kicking Contest”

Look at how busy this guy is.

When a person is really busy they might say “I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.”  The idea here is that a man with only one leg would constantly be falling down when he went to kick another person in the ass. Now while that’s a silly visual, it’s completely flawed and nonsensical. A person missing one of their legs would obviously have either a prosthetic limb, a crutch, or even a cane to lean on as they went around kicking asses. With one of these aids they would be as busy as someone with two legs, no more, no less. Then of course there’s the possibility that a one legged man could have had a special motorized prosthetic leg installed that is designed specially to kick mechanically and then swing back and forth without any exertion on the part of the wearer. If this is the case then the one legged man wouldn’t be very busy at all. He could actually do crossword puzzles or check his emails while the robot leg was kicking away. If someone has lost a leg chances are they’re pretty tough so it would be wise not to underestimate them.

Dumbass Sayings: “Beggars Can’t Be Choosers”

Here’s a saying that is very insensitive to the homeless folks out there. Of course beggars can be choosers. ANYONE can be a chooser. You can’t just force things on a beggar. They have the option just like anyone else to not accept what you’re giving them. Beggars have rights. They’re human beings. If you give a beggar a large extra cheese pizza and they tell you they’re lactose intolerant would you really expect them to eat the whole thing and get horribly ill? What kind of monster are you?

Just because you’re desperate doesn’t mean you lose all your freedom. I might be desperate for love, but does that mean I have to take whatever offer I get from anyone? Of course not. I still will, but the point is, I have the choice. Being a beggar is difficult enough, don’t try to demean them by stripping away their basic human rights even further than they’ve already been.

You'll take what you get and like it!