Dumbass Sayings: “Making Ends Meet”

"Making ends meet" sounds
like something that German
 Human Centipede doctor
 would do.

For some reason paying bills is called “making ends meet.” Does that make any sense to you? This saying implies that ends either meet or they don’t, but as we all know, making money has a much farther range than that. If only making ends meet was enough for people, maybe we wouldn’t see such greed and economic disparity among people.

“Making ends meet” is a horrible metaphor. When you say you’re “making ends meet” it actually sounds more like you’ve created some kind of weird dating fetish website that pairs up people who get off on rubbing their butts together. That would literally be making ends meet and maybe if it’s a paid service then that’s how you figuratively make ends meet as well, but that’s still ridiculous. Or maybe you arrange funerals to be held adjacent to one another at the same time. That’s probably a better use of the term “Making ends meet.” At least you can somehow see why those words mean that. The current definition just doesn’t really work.

Dumbass Sayings: “Green With Envy”

This saying supposedly came from Shakespeare, but no one really knows what the hell it means because it makes no sense at all. Why is green associated with envy? Who decided that? It doesn’t make a lick of sense. Let’s think about the things that are green in life:

1. Leaves

Are leaves envious? I don’t think so. I’m actually envious of leaves. They don’t need to do anything they just hang around all day getting their nutrition from the Sun. That’s a blessed existence as far as I’m concerned.

You'd think a leaf would be envious when it's dying but that's actually when it STOPS being green.

2. Money

Money is the source of envy for many, but that would mean the people who don’t have green are envious. If you have lots of “green” then you’ve got nothing to be envious of except maybe true happiness, real genuine love, a supportive family life, etc. In other words, nothing.

If any color should represent envy it's red because when you see blood on money you know someone wanted to take it.

3. Kermit The Frog

Kermit says it’s not easy being green. Is that because when you’re green you’re full of envy? What does Kermit have to be envious of? He’s the de facto leader of The Muppets, he’s a sentient talking frog, and he has a hot ass wife. Who could ask for more really?

Why would a frog be envious? Just sit around fat as hell on a tree attacking flies with your tongue. Seems like a great life to me.

The saying “Green with envy” could not make any less sense. It’s just the same as saying “Purple with gratefulness” or “Orange with confusion”. Before you think about saying this just stop and think “Does any what I’m about to say makes sense, or am I just saying it because it’s a popular thing people say?”

Dumbass Sayings: “People Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn’t Throw Stones”

People who live in glass houses shouldn't
expect to get much for their home
in today's real estate market.

I think it’s safe to say that throwing stones is a bad activity for ANYONE to engage in regardless of dwelling. This is one of the weirdest popular sayings ever because it applies only to people who live in glass houses aka no one. Let’s for the sake of argument say you live in a glass house. You shouldn’t throw stones while you’re at home, but who does that in any house whether its made of glass or brick? No one throws stones when they’re at home! You throw stones when you’re in other people’s home or in a field or at a football game. Throwing stones is a public activity thereby making this saying completely unrelatable to anyone. And surely if you’ve got a glass house it’s made of plexiglass or some stronger type of glass resistant to shattering. If you don’t then that’s just stupid. Good luck when a hurricane or tornado comes around because you are going to get cut the hell up. The real saying should be “People who live in glass houses need to move.”