Dumbass Sayings: “Green With Envy”

This saying supposedly came from Shakespeare, but no one really knows what the hell it means because it makes no sense at all. Why is green associated with envy? Who decided that? It doesn’t make a lick of sense. Let’s think about the things that are green in life:

1. Leaves

Are leaves envious? I don’t think so. I’m actually envious of leaves. They don’t need to do anything they just hang around all day getting their nutrition from the Sun. That’s a blessed existence as far as I’m concerned.

You'd think a leaf would be envious when it's dying but that's actually when it STOPS being green.

2. Money

Money is the source of envy for many, but that would mean the people who don’t have green are envious. If you have lots of “green” then you’ve got nothing to be envious of except maybe true happiness, real genuine love, a supportive family life, etc. In other words, nothing.

If any color should represent envy it's red because when you see blood on money you know someone wanted to take it.

3. Kermit The Frog

Kermit says it’s not easy being green. Is that because when you’re green you’re full of envy? What does Kermit have to be envious of? He’s the de facto leader of The Muppets, he’s a sentient talking frog, and he has a hot ass wife. Who could ask for more really?

Why would a frog be envious? Just sit around fat as hell on a tree attacking flies with your tongue. Seems like a great life to me.

The saying “Green with envy” could not make any less sense. It’s just the same as saying “Purple with gratefulness” or “Orange with confusion”. Before you think about saying this just stop and think “Does any what I’m about to say makes sense, or am I just saying it because it’s a popular thing people say?”