Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Yawn?”

Do people yawn while reading about
yawning because it's a human instinct?
Or is yawning just boring to read about?

Dear McFartnuggets: “What makes people yawn? I’m tired of yawning all the time! Why does this happen to me?” -- Raquel from Chicago

Dear Raquel:

To be honest, scientists don’t fully understand human yawning yet. They used to think people yawned to draw extra oxygen into their lungs, but now they’re not sure about that. The newest theory is that yawning helps to pump blood to the brain which helps cool it off when it’s overheating. I’m not sure that makes sense either though, because if that was why people yawn then people in warm climates would be yawning all the damn time. Basketball and football players would be yawning on the sidelines constantly after heating their brains up from the exercise of playing. It would be a fairly common occurrence to see athletes yawning, but you don’t really see that too often. Then again I’ve never seen an Eskimo yawn before. Do people in Africa yawn that much more than people in Alaska? I doubt it. Whenever you see those Feed The Children commercials the kids are never yawning. Maybe they cut that footage out so people don’t think they’re lazy.

Anyways, I can’t tell you why humans in general yawn, but I can tell you why I yawn. I yawn because it makes my eyes get all juicy which helps lubricate my pupils. Also, it feels good. It feels like I’m stretching my head. I’d imagine if I never yawned my head and face muscles would get really stiff and cramped, but by yawning I’m able to give them some elasticity. And who could forget, I yawn when I’m bored as hell. I can’t tell you how many times I used to yawn during classes and funerals, anywhere I didn’t want to be. If anything, yawning helps other people notice when you don’t want to be there. That probably helps you decide how to make a family. If you’re on a date with a woman and she’s yawning the whole time maybe it’s not meant to be. If you’re having sex with a woman and she’s yawning the whole time, maybe you picked the wrong person. I can’t say for sure, but those are my best guesses as to why people yawn.

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