The Top 5 Best Benefits To Being A Zombie

When you see this symbol you better
hope it means a zombie virus and
not something horrifying.

In the movies, people are always scared of becoming a zombie. I suppose it’s an instinctive fear to run from someone who’s trying to eat you, but there are a lot of benefits to being a zombie that no one ever thinks about. If there’s ever, I mean WHEN they’re a zombie apocalypse, there are a few things you need to keep in mind when choosing to fight or just give up. Here are the top 5 benefits to being a zombie:

5. You never have to get a job.

You want to solve unemployment in America? Create a zombie apocalypse. No one will need a job. No one will even need money. It’d be a perfectly free society of people either just chilling doing nothing and enjoying themselves or chasing down the last few living. Either way, good times.

Eating human brains can't be much worse than this can it?

4. You get to be part of a big club.

One of the most important things to human beings is belonging to a group and feeling welcomed. When you’re turned into a zombie you become part of the club. Perhaps the best thing about being a zombie is if you can turn every single person, world peace is actually possible. Then there’s really no negative to being a zombie except for the whole brain dead thing. It’s the living folk who are always making trouble for the zombies, shooting them in the heads and whatnot.

Giant zombie armies put the "organ" in "organizing," 

3. You get plenty of exercise.

Zombies are always running around and climbing, chasing people running for their lives. That’s how to stay fit. If only it was an acceptable method of exercise in today’s non-zombified world.

Except instead of a hurdle, human corpses.

2. You never have to worry about pooping.

Do zombies poop? Who cares! They don’t. I realize that defecating can be fun sometimes, but most of the time it’s just a hassle. When you’re a zombie if you do still crap it’s really not going to affect your day at all. 

If you don't care about a frog eating your vagina, odds are you don't care about where your next poop is going to be.

And the number one best thing about being a zombie is...

1. You realize it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Most people don’t want to be a zombie because they’re too focused on the external. They don’t want to look like a decrepit zombie with a decomposing face and cataract eyes. When you’re a zombie you don’t focus on people’s clothes or their appearance. All you care about is they have a delicious brain inside their head and you want to eat it. That’s all that matters. That’s all that ever should matter.

You think this dude cares his flabby titties are hanging out? No. Because when you're a zombie all that self-conscious bullshit goes out the window.

People claim to want the simple life, well it doesn’t get any simpler than being a zombie. Maybe being a zombie isn’t the ideal life for you, but it’s not as bad as people say. If, I mean WHEN the zombie apocalypse happens, hopefully you’ll remember this and realize things could be a lot worse.