Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Having Romance With Someone While They’re Sleepwalking Considered Illegal?”

Comas are technically sleep,
and the doctor's say no to that.

Dear McFartnuggets: I was at the club the other night and a woman walked up to me all tired looking and invited me back to her places. Of course I went! Then the morning after I woke up next to a man who I later found out was her husband and she was sleepwalking the whole time. Now this woman is threatening to charge me with rape. Does she have a case? -- Randy from Vermont

Dear Randy:

Because she’s only threatening you with the charge, I’d take that to mean she might not. She’s probably discussed it with her attorney and figured most of the blame fell on her. She’s probably having too much trouble with her husband at the moment to bother coming after you with a lawsuit or criminal charge.

That being said, you’re not totally off the hook here socially. In today’s culture, having intercourse with an unconscious woman is seen as totally off-limits whether they’re drunk, drugged, sleeping, or even in a coma. Any time a woman approaches you appearing as a sleepy zombie that should set off alarms in your own head and tell you not to proceed any further, especially not to her house and into her bed where there’s a sleeping man already there.

I think it’s up to a judge and jury, but frankly I could view this going either way. It really depends on how active and alert she appeared at the time you engaged in intercourse. If she was dead and lifeless then I’d lean toward rape in that case. However, if she had her eyes open and seemed to be enjoying it then there’s a good chance she’s was really awake the whole time and is making all of this up to save her own ass from being labeled a cheater. Best of luck, Randy.

Send questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and try not to have intercourse with drowsy people!