Dumbass Saying: “Spank The Monkey”

Who would want to spank that?

“Spanking the monkey” is a relatively modern terminology for the act of male masturbation. Who sees the act of a man masturbating and calls that “Spanking the monkey”? In what universe is that even a somewhat accurate description? I mean I guess you’re not standing around to take a good look so you run or maybe only see it out of the corner of your eye so the guy’s wang looks distorted. If your weenis looks like a monkey then that’s just crazy. You need to have that checked out by a licensed doctor or penile practitioner as soon as possible. And who “spanks” their genitals? I don’t even want to think about it. How exactly is that pleasurable? Maybe some people do this, but they’re certainly not common enough to warrant “Spanking the monkey” being a commonplace term for assaulting your tater tot.

This saying is also bad because usually it’s met with laughter. When you say this and people laugh it’s basically connecting animal abuse with comedy and that’s way more offensive and wrong than polishing your push pop.