Ask McFartnuggets: “Would You Rather Freeze To Death Or Be Cooked To Death?”

Rest in peace? More like
cook in horrified screaming.

Dear McFartnuggets: If you had a choice between freezing to death or being cooked to death in an oven what would you choose and why? -- Diana from Cleveland

Dear Diana: I’m going to take this as just a straight question and not a threat. For me, this is an easy choice. I would prefer freezing to death and I think most people would. It’s just a much easier way to die. Your body slowly loses heat and the cold shuts down your organs. Being cooked on the other hand is very traumatic. For starters, theres probably way more screaming. When you freeze to death you might scream a little, but like Jack Nicholson in the end of “The Shining” it’s more like weird gutteral moans. When you’re in an oven with your flesh cooking, that’s blood curdling scream time. And you may shiver a lot when you freeze to death, but if you’re being cooked then it’s more like violently convulsing instead of shivering, as your body goes into shock and your brain basically explodes from too many nerves firing off at once. Then of course your eyes will likely burst inside your head and that’s no fun. Add that to the fact that maybe if you’re found frozen solid and people keep you frozen they can resurrect you in the future with cryogenics, freezing to death is the way to go. That’s the method I recommend. Thanks for the question!

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