Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are There Only Female Stenographers?”

Women really are better listeners.

Dear McFartnuggets: Have you noticed that there’s never any male stenographers in courtrooms? Why is that? Why are there only female stenographers? -- Ben from Kalamazoo, Michigan

Dear Ben:

You’re right, stenographer is one of those jobs that companies and courts usually only hire women for. Some people think this is discrimination, but you also have to keep in mind the posture of a stenographer. They’re usually sitting up straight with their legs and feet close together which is the optimal typing posture. Sitting that way produces more of a feminine appearance. A man can’t sit that way because his balls would be crushed by his legs.

I’m sure male stenographers exist, there just aren’t enough of them out there to make it seem like an gender neutral job. Frankly, I’m not sure why stenographers exist at all anymore. Surely there must be a technology that can automatically transcribe the things that people say like a Dragon program. I’m sure one day instead of a woman or man you’ll just see a robot there who may even be able to double as a bailiff if it’s equipped with laser turrets. You think someone’s gonna mess around with a robot who can burn them alive with their laser eyes while shitting out your transcribed screams and pleads for mercy? I doubt it.

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