Ask McFartnuggets: “If A Conjoined Twin Touches Their Privates Does That Count As Incest?”

Hey! Cut it out,
you two/one.

Dear McFartnuggets: When a two-headed conjoined twin touches their shared privates does that count as incest or masturbation? -- Guillermo from San Juan, Puerto Rico

Dear Guillermo:

I think that really depends on the twins. I’m guessing if they share genitals then you treat the function of urination as a common shared experience, but when it comes to the recreational you’d assign hours for the genitals. Twin one would have the genitals between 8 am and 5 pm and twin two would have them 5:01 pm to 2 am and then they’d maybe switch the shifts each day for fairness since obviously having ownership of genitals during office hours isn’t really that advantageous. With a system like that, if twin 1 owned the genitals during regular business hours and twin 2 decided to masturbate, it would be a violation of twin 1’s ownership of the genitals and could be considered incest if they wished to press charges. The interesting thing here is they probably would never do that considering if twin 2 goes to jail, twin 1 has to go with them so that pretty much defeats the purpose.

It’s possible that a two-headed twin is so comfortable with their twin that it’s just a free-for-all down there. Whoever wants to touch it gets to whenever they want and they get to have sex with whoever they want regardless of if the third person even knows the other twin. Again though, I’m not sure who that third person would be, it seems like it would be really weird to bang a two-headed person, but hey it could be cool. Regardless, that’s a story you’re going to have to tell for the rest of your life. People would probably do it just for the story.

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