The Top 5 Biggest Drinking Mistakes You Can Make

Asking the woman in the wheelchair out
is NOT one of the mistakes.

If you’re relatively new to drinking alcohol then you’re inevitably going to make a lot of mistakes when it comes to imbibing spirits. Rather than have you learn all these lessons the hard way, I thought I would help out by warning you ahead of time. Now I know most people have to learn lessons on their own anyway, but you would be wise to take my word for this stuff. Here are the top 5 worst mistakes you can make when it comes to drinking:

5. Drinking on an empty stomach

You’ve heard the old saying “Bread before liquor, stomach’s thicker. Liquor before bread, you might be dead.” It’s important to eat a meal before drinking a lot, otherwise the alcohol will have a much stronger and dramatic effect on your body. Think of food as tummy tampons for alcohol to soak into to alleviate the pains of a period you would get from drinking too much liquor.

The stomach is where the real party is happening. Don't let alcohol show up and have no one to play with. Things will get ugly.

4. Alcohol enemas

A lot of people these days are trying alcohol enemas to get drunker. What they might not know is that it’s very dangerous. Putting alcohol up your butt lets it absorb into your blood without going through the liver which can damage your organs. And despite what you think you know about Taco Bell, you can’t literally vomit out of your ass so excessive alcohol enemas can kill you by alcohol poisoning.

That's not supposed to go up there, pal!

3. Smoking after drinking everclear

When drinking super high alcohol content drinks like Everclear or moonshine it’s important to not light up a cigarette right after or while you’re drinking. The alcohol vapors can ignite and if you’re too drunk to realize it you can take a puff of the cigarette which then becomes basically like sucking on a mini version of the back of the Batmobile and you’ll cook your lungs alive.

Burning alive is no treat.

2. Getting blackout drunk at the circus

Any place that has large animals like elephants and lions and also clowns is never a good place to get blackout drunk. There’s a good chance you’ll either wake up dead or in a hotel room with “Trickles” the clown who gets off on watersports.

The circus is terrifying enough sober.

1. Mistaking urine for whisky

Speaking of ol’ Trickles, you never want to mistake urine for whisky. We’ve all done it at one time or another, it’s an honest mistake the FIRST time it happens. After that first time you better make a habit of sniffing your whiskey before you take a sip. The odor is always a dead giveaway. Smell your whiskey to enjoy the fragrance, but mostly to make sure it’s not just stale pee the bartender handed you for not being a good tipper.

It's important to remember, whisky rarely has bubbles.