Ask McFartnuggets: “What Should I Do When A Woman Is Physically Attacking Me?”

Domestic violence isn't always
a man on woman crime.

Dear McFartnuggets: My girlfriend of three months has suddenly become very violent toward me and lashes out slapping me in the face several times a day. It didn’t bother me so much the first week. Now it’s getting very annoying and I’m getting angry. I want to hit her, but I know that’s wrong. I don’t want to call the cops and report her because I love her and I don’t want to look like a wussy pussy. What should I do? -- Neil from Oakland

Dear Neil:

Society says it’s wrong to hit women because they’re weaker than men and while I don’t necessarily agree with that, I think it’s wrong to involve any violence in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship that means you like each other and unless you’re wearing leather bodysuits and enjoying it, violence should never be part of how you interact. When a woman is getting violent with me I do one of two things. First I try to run away. There may be some shame in running away from a woman hitting you, but it’s nowhere near the shame of standing your ground and fighting back. If fleeing is not an option I will put a Glad ForceFlex garbage bag over her and tie it shut. That may be seen as a form of abuse, but it’s not as bad as hitting a woman and it will help control her. The Glad ForceFlex can contain a piano (according to the commercial) so it’ll be able to slow an angry woman down enough and let her get a grip on her emotions. Usually you can run while she’s trapped in the bag. That’s really the best thing to do. Too many guys care about looking like a bitch in front of a woman so they hit back and that’s just the wrong move. Better to be a bitch for a moment at Wal Mart than to be a bitch for five years in a state penitentiary. Thanks for the question, Neil and good luck!

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