The Top 5 WORST Excuses For Missing Someone’s Funeral

The dead will know
if you're lying.

When you’re invited to a funeral you basically have to go no matter what. Even if you didn’t really know the dead guy, odds are you have to go to show support for the people who invited you. If you don’t show up after RSVPing it can be taken as a very big insult to the hosts and they may never be able to forgive you. If you have to miss a funeral it’s best to have a good excuse. Good excuses for missing a funeral are pretty tough to come by so here are the top 5 excuses you should NEVER use:

5. “The circus was in town.”

Everyone loves the circus, however it’s difficult for the person who invited you to imagine you laughing with a clown at the exact moment they were crying their eyes out mourning their lost loved one. There’s a reason cotton candy isn’t served at funerals. Circuses and funerals are like polar opposites so if you’re at a circus, that’s being the farthest you could be from a funeral. Unless of course an elephant breaks loose and starts trampling people to death.

You missed a funeral to watch a clown teach a donkey how to sing?!

4. “I have to stay home and dye my pubic hair.”

You think that by being super specific about why you missed the funeral that will help sell the lie, but if it’s something like dying your pubes then that’s just messed up. Plus, using the word “dye” is really disrespectful. Even if it’s true, keep it to yourself and find another excuse.

"Alright, Bob. Dip em in!"

3. “I was sick.”

Oh you were sick? They were DEAD. Being sick is no excuse for missing a funeral, unless of course you got the person who died sick and that’s why they died. If that’s the case then fine stay home, murderer.

I'm sure that iron lung is portable.

2. “I had another funeral to go to.”

No one wants to be second choice, even in death. Telling someone you had another funeral to go to really doesn’t work unless you missed a neighbor’s funeral for your mother’s. If they were people who you liked equally you have to just make two trips. Don’t play favorites.

Unless you had to dig the hole yourself like these ladies, this is no excuse.

1. “I was busy making love to your mother”

This is hands down the most offensive excuse there is for missing a funeral. Especially if the funeral is for the person’s mother. I don’t know why anyone would use this excuse, but it certainly is the WORST which is what this list is about.

There's no need to bring mothers into this.