Ask McFartnuggets: “Does God Shave?”

What razor does God use?
A Gillette Mach 1,000?

Dear McFartnuggets: Why does God always have a beard? Does he ever shave? -- Alice from Massachusetts

Dear Luis:

There’s a section in Isaiah 7:20 that says: “In that day the Lord will shave with a razor, hired from regions beyond the Euphrates (that is, with the king of Assyria), the head and the hair of the legs; and it will also remove the beard.”

I guess that means God does shave from time to time and he even shaves his head and leg hair. That seems kind of weird to me, but hey who am I to judge the lord? I guess that means it’s okay for guys to shave their legs so the next time I do that I can say “Shaved legs are next to godliness!” People will probably still think I’m a freak, but at least I’ll know the truth.

I doubt God shaves very often though and I think that’s because a beard makes you look more intimidating. I can’t really picture a clean shaven God. Beards generally communicate wisdom for some reason. If you’re super smart you’re too busy thinking of things to waste time shaving. Also God is pretty old. You’d think more old men would have beards, but generally elderly people don’t have big beards. Elderly women have unintentional goatees, but that’s a different story. Thanks for the question, Alice.

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