The Top 10 Worst Named Stores That Are Somehow Still In Business

Some stores were named so poorly that you wonder how they’re still successful. It’s possible that the original store owners wanted a name that would create controversy and draw attention to their business even if it was for having a dumb name. If that was their intention then it worked. Here are the top 10 worst successful store names around today:

10. The Container Store

Could they get any blander with this name? Just because you’re the first nutters who decided to sell ONLY containers doesn’t mean you can just use a general ass name like “The Container Store”. No one else could do that. You’d never see “The Shoe Store” or “The Dildo Store”. Also, a store is basically a container in and of itself so you could have just called it “The Container Container” or "Container Squared".

It's a storage store for places to store things.

9. hhgregg

“hhgregg” is an electronics retailer, but it looks more like a typo. Was this really the intended name for the store or did someone have a stroke and faint headfirst onto their keyboard? Or were they wearing a Dragon speech-to-text headset on when they had the stroke and this is what the sound was translated as?

"I'm going to hhgregg!"
"Gezundheit."

8. Whole Foods Market

Whole Foods seems like a decent enough name when you read it, but then you say it and realize it may as well be “Hole foods”. It’s never good to associate buttholes with fresh produce.

In one whole, out the other.

7. David’s Bridal

I’m not sure about you, but if I was a bride I’d want to go to a store run by a woman. Call me sexist, but I figure a woman has a slightly better idea about wedding gowns than a man. David’s Bridal? Would you go to a place called “Jenny’s Flamethrowers”? Can women know about flamethrowers? Yes, but I’d prefer a man’s opinion on that particular item.

No one knows more about wedding gowns than men!

6. Dick’s Sporting Goods

If you’re a store does a great deal of business selling balls it would be wise not to call it Dick’s. You’re just a joke waiting to happen that never stops.

"I had a dream I was running through Dick's and swimming in a pool of balls!" is really only something you can type to someone without being misunderstood.

5. The Vitamin Shoppe

The word is “Shop” so if you spell it “Shoppe” then it should be pronounced “Shoppie” and that sounds dumb as hell. You might think it's a relic from olde tymes when they used to spell this way, but The Vitamin Shoppe was founded in 1977 so it's all bullshit.

Did I time travel into another century? Speak proper English!

4. Dress Barn

“Dress Barn” is a clothing store based in Connecticut. They specialize in women’s clothes which is unfortunate. What woman would want to buy their clothing in a barn? Aren’t a lot of women worried about looking like cows?

Dressbarn has no problem corralling in the customers and has a surprising selection of tasteful muumuus.

3. Schnucks

“Schnucks” is a supermarket chain in St. Louis. Apparently these people have never heard of the word “Schmuck” which is Yiddish for wang.

In fairness, the founder probably had no idea what Jewish even is.

2. Foot Locker

A more suitable less horrific name would have been “Shoe Locker”, but I guess they wanted to put the image of a metal box full of severed feet into people’s minds.

This guy doesn't even have feet.

1. Radio Shack

The Unabomber lived in a shack. Shacks aren’t great places to be. They certainly aren’t hubs for technological expertise. Why not just name your business “Abandoned Warehouse”. That sounds really inviting! Maybe you're wondering why Pizza Hut isn't on this list... There's something slightly endearing about a hut, but a shed is rarely redeeming. If I told you there was a child's skeleton hidden in a shack or a hut, which would you guess it was in? Exactly.

They may be slowly going out of business, but it's amazing they've lasted this long.