Ask McFartnuggets: “How Did Tyrannosaurus Rex Wipe Its Butt?”

Then again maybe their poops
broke off clean every time.
Who are you to assume they clenched?

Dear McFartnuggets: One thing I don’t understand about dinosaurs is how did T-Rexes wipe their butts? Their arms are so short there’s no possible way they could have reached around! -- Dennis from Kansas

Dear Dennis:

That is true, there is no way for a Tyrannosaurus Rex to have wiped their ass with those tiny arms. Fortunately, when you’re as big as a T.Rex you don’t need to wipe your own ass. When you’re that big and scary you can force smaller dinosaurs to lick your butt clean. Either that or you can just walk around with a dirty ass all day long. I mean, who’s going to comment about it? You know all the Dilophosaurus and Triceratops noticed, but they wouldn’t say a damn thing even if they could speak. When you’re king of the dinosaur world you can pretty much do whatever you want. That’s the ultimate sign of being tough, when you no longer need functioning arms. Thanks for the question, Dennis.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and if you’re waiting for me to answer yours please be patient!