Dumbass Sayings: “Better Late Than Never”

Stylish cloth menstrual pad.

A very popular English language saying is “Better late than never”. This is a dumb one though because most people don’t even believe it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come in late to work and told my boss “Hey! Better late than never!” And then they fire me! I was late and then they make it NEVER. Apparently never is better than late in certain circumstances.

Another situation where never is better than late is when you’re dealing with a woman’s period after you’ve had unprotected sex. Better her entire reproductive system fail and she never has another menstruation cycle again than for her period to be late meaning she’s pregnant.

And a lot of the time, after a certain point, late is just as bad as never so it’s not better. If you’re super late to your child’s custody hearing the judge doesn’t consider that better than if you didn’t show up at all. She doesn’t care at all. You blew it. You don’t get credit for being late. So if you are running late to such an event I would suggest you just stay home and get some sleep instead of running out the door and speeding down the freeway drunk thinking “Better late than never!”

Dumbass Sayings: “When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going”

This is a very famous and poorly phrased saying. When you’re at work and the workload is becoming very difficult, a co-worker will often walk up and say “Well when the going gets tough, the tough get going! And I really must be going!” Then they laugh and leave you to do all the work. So let me get this straight, when the going gets tough, the tough leave? That’s what “Get going” usually means. If someone says “I have to get going” that doesn’t mean they’re ready to hunker down and get some serious work done, it means they’re grabbing their hat off the hat rack and taking their leave. 

Bikers are tough. Maybe that's because they always have an easy way to get going.

This phrase “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” was clearly just trying to sound catchy and was willing to sacrifice sense to do it. A better proverb would be “When things get tough, tough people get things done.” At least that makes sense and isn’t a great excuse for people to leave you hanging when the you just got a new order for 500 dildos and you're the only one working overnight at the dildo factory. Yes they're handmade, that's why we're the best!