Dumbass Sayings: “Don’t Knock it Til You’ve Tried it”

Sometimes you walk in on your co-worker fisting the office pet parakeet he looks at you very plainly and says “Hey, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it!” Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it? That sounds like a failed doorbell slogan. Doorbells, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it! Also you don’t have to try an activity before you’re able to denounce or reject said activity. I can say “Decapitating innocent people is wrong” without having to try it first. There are certain knockable actions you can go ahead and knock without trying. Putting your arm up a parakeet’s ass is certainly one of those actions, John. I don’t think anyone had a problem with condemning the Holocaust without first participating at a concentration camp. You simply don’t have to try something before you can knock it. This is a horrible saying that serves merely as an excuse for strange behaviors and weird fetishes. Plus, it’s too similar to “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” They basically mean the same thing except the latter is a more comprehensive statement that almost makes sense.

Ringing a doorbell while wearing a giant fluffy hat might seem stupid, but don't knock it til you've tried it!

Dumbass Sayings: “Chicks Dig The Long Ball”

Horse walks into a bar,
the bartender asks
"Why the long balls?"

I’ve heard this saying “Chicks dig the long ball” and I have to say that in my experience this is entirely untrue. I’m going to get a little personal here for a moment. My nutsack hangs pretty low and I have never heard a woman ever say “I dig that.” They usually say something like “Oh my god. What happened? Were you involved in an accident at a taffy factory or something? Did you put your scrotum into a malfunctioning taffy pulling machine?” You’re far more likely to receive that as a response than “I dig that.” What woman in 2014 says “I dig that.” Most women these days don’t talk like 70’s blues musicians fortunately or unfortunately depending on if you’re some sick freak who’s into that. No, having a shockingly low hanging peach basket is not something that anyone should be proud of. If chicks digged the long balls then really old dogs would be surrounded by women all the time, but they’re not. People take pity on the long balls. People are disturbed by the long balls.