Worst Things To Put in Someone's Mouth When They're Sleeping

Leave people's holes alone
when they're sleeping.

When someone is sleeping, especially with their mouth agape it may be tempting to put various items or objects in their mouth. This is not a recommended activity however due to the risk of choking. There may be some things that are okay to put I'm someone's mouth when they're sleeping, but here are the top 5 you should NEVER:

5. Raw eggs

Putting a raw egg in someone’s mouth when they’re sleeping is dangerous for a few reasons. First off, they may choke on the shell or even have the shell pieces scratch their throat and mouth. Second, they might get salmonella from ingesting raw egg, and third, the shock of having a raw egg in your mouth when you wake up is something most people have never experienced before so it can be rather jarring and could cause anxiety issues, perhaps even a heart attack.

Eggs from animals other than chickens are even more dangerous. Never put a tortoise egg in someone's mouth.

4. Scorpions

No one likes a scorpion in the mouth and also that's very cruel to the scorpions as they are often accidentally eaten.

Here are 12 reasons why you should never put a scorpion in someone's mouth.

3. Prescription medication

You never know who might have an adverse reaction to prescription medication if it has not been intended for their usage. This is the reason people are told to ask their doctors about certain pills because taking the wrong ones can be very dangerous.

Even if it's their medication you don't want to force feed pills to anyone.

2. Condoms

Why would you put condoms in someone's mouth? Seriously, why? How does that benefit anyone?

Used or unused, condoms can be dangerous choking hazards.

And the number one thing you should never put in someone’s mouth while they’re sleeping is…

1. Your genitals

Not only is this considered sexual assault, but a person's first reflex to something in their mouths when they're sleeping is to bite. So do the math on that.

If you want to stay out of jail, keep your sex organs away from people's sleeping faceholes.

Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Get My Roommates To Stop Teabagging Me In My Sleep?”

Here's a little trick
to keep people from treating
your face like a cup of hot water.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I live with three roommates and they’re all guys whose main goal in life seems to be pulling pranks. One of their favorite pranks is to wait til I fall asleep and then put their testicles on my face and take photos of this event. For some reason it never gets old to them. It’s really beginning to ruin my quality of life and I’ve been very depressed about it lately. It’s basically ruining my life. What can I do to stop this? -- Barry from Roanoake, Virginia

Dear Barry:

You could try explaining to them how you feel about being teabagged. Confront them honestly about your situation and how you don’t appreciate it and you really wish it would stop. OR you could pretend to be sleeping and then when they have their nuts right in front of your face them bite their nutsack hard. I guarantee it will be the LAST time they ever try that again. I mean they might call the cops and you might have to find a new place to live, but they will NEVER try that crap again believe me.

Write questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and good luck, Barry!