Dumbass Sayings: “God To Honest Truth”

Lincoln was an honest guy.
A lot of good that did him!

Sometimes people get confused and use the saying “God to honest truth” when they really mean “God’s honest truth” or “Honest to God truth.” “God to honest truth” doesn’t make any sense. What is that? That sounds like God is having a walkie talkie conversation with honest truth. Let’s put an end to all this scrambling of words in a sentence. I know it was probably just an honest mistake made by someone with Dyslexia a long time ago and it caught on, but let’s not keep going down this road. We might start with just saying “God to honest truth” and “Believe you me” but where does that end? How long will it be until we’re saying “Christmas merry!” and “Go have your mother sex with!”? The order in which we place words in a sentence is crucial to their meaning and THAT is the god to honest truth. The reason these wrong sayings continue to live on is because people are too afraid to point out when someone sounds like an idiot. Don’t be afraid to call people out for their bullshit.

Dumbass Sayings: “Believe You Me”

Believe you me,
this dunce hat is coming dangerously
close to being a KKK hood.

This phrase was said to have originated in Shakespeare but it sounds more like something a caveman would say. “Believe you me” basically means “Believe me” but the word “you” is put in there unnecessarily for emphasis. For some reason this is the only phrase where doing that is acceptable. If you’re in trouble and you say “Help You Me!” instead of “Help me”, that won’t work. People will just look at you all confused and walk away. Saying “Help you me” would make absolutely no sense so why does saying “Believe you me” instead of “Believe me” make sense? And if you really want someone to believe you, talking like a caveman is counterintuitive. No one wants to listen to a neanderthal. There’s rarely a benefit to taking the word of someone who sounds like they have brain damage.