Why have you taken Billy Mays, lord?

Billy Mays may not be missed for his outlandish yelling and selling of useless products, but the fact of the matter is, he had a beard and smiled a lot. That counts for a great deal these days. In a world where everyone sits in front of their TVs with a frown, William Mays was out selling stuff in a blue shirt on television for those people frowning. In many cases he might have turned their frowns into smiles, at least momentarily until the Oxiclean chemicals paralyzed their faces 3-5 weeks after delivery.

I was told his funeral will only cost five easy payments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling, which when dealing with funeral services, is the bulk of the cost. But in all seriousness, Billy Mays seemed like a fun loving guy and while he did force me to lose most of my child's college fund on cleansing products and police radio scanners, that was just a sign of how good he was. Very few people ever get to revolutionize American culture, but he and the ShamWow guy, (who I will say probably deserved to die more) changed everything and will never be forgotten for it. Rest in peace Billy Mays, may your yelling now be to the tune of an angelic harp in paradise.

Billy Mays (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009)

-Binkie McFartnuggets