Why would Michael Jackson fake his death?

It's been a few days since 6/25 so I think it's time to examine why Michael Jackson faked his own death. Everyone likes to talk about celebrities who may have faked their own deaths. Elvis and Hitler come to mind, but what reasons did those men have to keep on going? At the time of their deaths, they were ready to die. Michael Jackson on the other hand had many reasons to fake his demise.

He had a big comeback tour coming up, obviously that can be pretty stressful and he was having problems sleeping. Add to that the fact he was having financial problems somehow, even while owning music rights valued up to two billion dollars... He was smart enough to know that by dying, not only would his record sales skyrocket, but that he could forget about the tour and offer refunds, OR collector's item holographic tickets, which of course most rabid fans would accept in lieu of a performance.

The biggest reason why Michael Jackson would fake his death is to escape society. He wasn't comfortable living life offstage and who could blame him? Being constantly mobbed by fans even when you're wearing a mask and perhaps being blackmailed for child molestation can wear on your nerves. But if he could escape to a "Lord of the Flies" kind of island somewhere, wouldn't that be his paradise? Then in a decade or so he could return with a completely new face and enjoy his replenished riches.

The reason I believe this so vehemently is because it would have been damn easy for him to do it. Most celebrities can't fake their deaths, it requires too much work. They need to crash a plane or set it up where someone's body would be charred beyond recognition or not found at all. Michael Jackson on the other hand, could have used a skeleton from a Biology lab somewhere and put some of his skin shavings on it and the doctors who arrived on the scene would have been none the wiser.

I'm onto you Michael. But don't worry, I won't look for you. I hope you're finally enjoying life.

-Binkie McFartnuggets