Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Is Synchronized Dancing So Popular?" and “Why Do People At The Olympics Bite Their Gold Medals?"

Don't do drugs, kids.

Dear McFartnuggets: Whether it’s the Super Bowl halftime show or cheerleaders, or some flash mob, people always seem to like synchronized dancing. What is it about people doing the same dance at the same time that people love?-- Paulie from Baltimore

Dear Paulie:

People like dancing in large groups for the same reason the Germans during World War II used to do the Hitler salute at the same time. People just like doing things in concert with one another to feel like they’re part of a group which is sad, especially when it results in the near extermination of an entire ethnicity of people. So remember the next time you see a flash mob doing the “Thriller” dance, it’s basically the same thing as when you see North Korean soldiers to their little Rockettes high kick march.

Dear McFartnuggets: How come whenever someone wins a gold medal at the Olympics they bite it? Why do these dummies bite it? Are they hungry or something? -- Debbie from Portland

Dear Debbie:

Biting gold started as a way for people to tell if gold was real. Because gold is a malleable metal, if you can leave teeth marks in it, there’s a good chance it’s real. Now Olympic athletes on the other hand have no real reason to bite their medals. As it turns out, Olympic gold medals are actually less than 2% actual gold. Maybe they’re biting to prove that the medals are phony and the whole concept of the Olympics is just an empty tradition meant to give meaning to fringe sports that no one normally pays to see like rowing, curling, and rhythmic gymnastics. The fact of the matter is there’s no real reason for Olympic athletes to bite their medals. It’s all for a photo and since that’s the case they’d be better sticking the medal up their ass. I’m sure that would get the flashbulbs popping.

Bite on this!

Keep sending your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and maybe I’ll answer them here live!