Everyone knows fantasy sports are hot, the hottest one being football, but there are tons of other fantasy sports out there that could be the next big thing. If you want to get in early on the next big fantasy sport, I can’t help you, but I can tell you to avoid these:
5. Fantasy Competitive Eating
Let’s face it, it’s every American’s fantasy to be paid to stand in front of a giant plate of hot dogs and stuff their face, so the next best thing is to play a fantasy version of that with additional points for unconventional food items like oysters and chicken livers. This is a good game in theory that could help spur popularity for competitive eating on a national level, but basically whoever drafts Joey Chestnut wins every single year in a landslide so that takes the fun out of it.
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| Get em, Lardass! |
Football is so exciting that just pretending you’re involved in the game with a fantasy team is fun. Golf on the other hand is not exciting at all, so just pretending you’re involved in golf with a fantasy team is some boring ass shit. No one is ever yelling death threats at Rory McIlroy for not hitting an eagle on the 8th hole and causing their fantasy golf team to lose. No one cares, there’s no passion there.
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| These are the things that dreams are made of. |
Why would you play a fantasy game for something you can just go outside and do yourself? If you have a bicycle, forget fantasizing about cycling and just go pedaling. I’m sure the Tour De France is a big moment for Fantasy Cycling fans, but the actual thing isn’t exciting enough for normal people so why the hell would a fantasy version be?
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| Sorry, I can't take this seriously. |
2. Fantasy Pro Gaming
Even worse than Fantasy Cycling is Fantasy Pro Gaming where people draft teams of their favorite professional competitive gamers from games like League of Legends and compete to see whose team of Asians-- I mean, players do best. Fantasizing about other people playing video games is bad, but it’s not as bad as our number 1 worst fantasy sport...
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| Looks like a Nike commercial in here! |
Yeah, that’s right. Fantasy Fantasy Football. This is where you draft a team of your favorite fantasy players and compete with other teams to see who scores the most points each week. It’s kind of like “Inception” except a lot sadder. It’s a fantasy about a fantasy. It’s like dreaming about being in a dream world, it’s completely redundant and pointless. One could argue that all fantasy sports are a waste of time, but no one can argue the greatest waste of time is Fantasy Fantasy Football. And it will stay that way until the world comes up with Fantasy Fantasy Pro Gaming.
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| If we're not careful one day they'll be selling computers at Sports Authority. |
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