Dumbass Sayings: “Cliché”

French words are so cliche.

Whenever something is overused to the point of being meaningless people always call it “Cliché”. That’s all people ever call it. To put it simply, “Cliché” is cliché. And I realize that by just saying that I’m being cliché which is then cliché that is also cliché and I’m stuck in a continuous cycle of using the word that I think is so overused.

What can we call things that are “Cliché” without using the cliché of saying “cliché”? Does a new word needs to be invented? Should we call overused sayings “Dipwash” or “Schnickletits”? Maybe we can use an old fashioned word that means “cliché” that no one really uses anymore like “Bromide”. “Bromide” means a phrase that has been used so often it implies a lack of originality. The next time someone decides to have a baby to attempt to save their marriage, instead of telling them they’re being “cliché” tell them they’re being “bromide”. They might not get what you mean, but why would they? They’re unoriginal buffoons.

Dumbass Sayings: “You Can Never Be TOO Safe”

Does that really need a sign?

There’s a popular saying that “You can never be too safe”. This is usually said by people being paranoid and over cautious about things to justify their behaviors. This saying is provably untrue especially when dealing with people who have OCD. If you have OCD and you’re checking your front door seventeen times before you leave the house to make sure it’s locked properly, that IS being too safe. You’re wasting time because you’re obsessed with the idea of being safe.

OCD is not the only reason this saying is BS. If you’ve ever been really scared of getting an STD and had sex while you’re wearing more than one condom and the woman has a female condom inside her that’s being too safe. At that point the latex is having more fun than you. Plus, if it wasn’t possible to be “too safe” then it would be totally okay to wear a helmet during sex, but most women think this makes you look really stupid and they feel like leaving immediately. Yelling "YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE!" doesn't change their mind. This saying is simply not true. End of story.

Dumbass Sayings "If You Can't Stand The Heat Get Out of The Kitchen!"

Welcome to the Thunderdome!

When someone appears to be faltering in a pressure situation where they're under a lot of stress, a common thing to say to them is "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!" This saying never made much sense to me. Is it really THAT hot in a kitchen? Sure maybe when the oven is on and the windows are open in the middle of Summer, but there are warmer places to be. Why not say "If you can't stand the heat get out of the boiler room!" or "If you can't stand the heat get out of the desert!" or "If you can't stand the heat step away from the volcano!" or "If you can't stand the heat take your dick out of the toaster!" All of those are much warmer situations than a kitchen.

Kitchens are actually supposed to be kept at a relatively average temperature since there are pantries filled with non-perishable goods that should not be subjected to high heat. And why is there such an obsession with heat? Being cold is just as bad as being hot. Why not say "If you can't stand freezing, get out of the meat locker!" or "If you can't stand the chill get the fudgesicle out of your ass?" Why am I the only one who says these things? I think they're pretty COOL sayings.

Also, it's always been sexist to say that "A woman's place is in the kitchen". Well if it's so hot, intense, and difficult in there then they isn't that either a compliment or not a sexist thing to say? We should all want to be in the kitchen because that's where you face the flames of immense challenge and fight them off with your extinguisher of perseverance. Either being in a kitchen demands respect or it doesn't! Which one is it?