Dumbass Sayings: “More Than A Woman”

When someone says you're
more than a woman. This is
what they mean.

The Bee Gees sang a song called “More Than A Woman” where they sing to a woman who is “More than a woman.” What does that mean exactly? Shouldn’t being a woman be good enough? No one would ever call a man “More than a man” so why should “More than a woman” be a thing? If I was a woman I don’t think I would take that as a compliment. That kind of sounds like I have a weird genital disorder or something. How can you be “MORE than a woman”? I met someone who turned out to be “More than a woman” at a bar once. Let’s just say I’m not in the mood to sing a song about it. When you tell people you’re dating someone who’s “More than a woman” they automatically assume you’re with a transvestite. Of course that’s a sexist assumption because transvestites aren’t more than women. If anything they’re less because they’re just pretending to be women. Regardless, this saying is a load of tortoise shit.

Dumbass Sayings: “Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned”

Maybe hell is red because
of period blood?

I get that women can be mean when you get them mad, but worse than anything hell can come up with? That can’t be right. This is a very sexist saying in my opinion. Anyone can act hellish and crazy when they’re “scorned” whatever the hell that means. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say Jeffrey Dahmer or Josef Mengele could go toe to toe with any woman when it comes to hell-like torture and they were men. Who was the last woman who ate a guy’s balls while he was still alive? To me that’s something you’d see in Hell, yet women don’t do that. The worst thing a woman can do is cut your genitals off, don’t get me wrong, that’s bad, but they rarely mutilate or cannibalize them or surgically attach them to someone else’s head afterwards. Those are strictly crazy serial killer man moves. I’m not challenging women to do this to prove me wrong, I’m just going with facts here.

This saying is just a way to say women are insanely crazy and emotional and that’s not right. On average women have a base level of craziness that is higher than men, no one’s arguing that, but when it comes to top level maximum craziness, men win that one. And when you’re talking about Hell, people assume you’re talking about top level maximum craziness with goat demons vomiting wasps into your ass, pouring molten lava in your eye sockets, etc. If I get to Hell and it’s just a bunch of women PMS’ing it clearly won’t be a treat, but I’ll consider that a gift compared to what I was expecting.

Dumbass Sayings "If You Can't Stand The Heat Get Out of The Kitchen!"

Welcome to the Thunderdome!

When someone appears to be faltering in a pressure situation where they're under a lot of stress, a common thing to say to them is "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!" This saying never made much sense to me. Is it really THAT hot in a kitchen? Sure maybe when the oven is on and the windows are open in the middle of Summer, but there are warmer places to be. Why not say "If you can't stand the heat get out of the boiler room!" or "If you can't stand the heat get out of the desert!" or "If you can't stand the heat step away from the volcano!" or "If you can't stand the heat take your dick out of the toaster!" All of those are much warmer situations than a kitchen.

Kitchens are actually supposed to be kept at a relatively average temperature since there are pantries filled with non-perishable goods that should not be subjected to high heat. And why is there such an obsession with heat? Being cold is just as bad as being hot. Why not say "If you can't stand freezing, get out of the meat locker!" or "If you can't stand the chill get the fudgesicle out of your ass?" Why am I the only one who says these things? I think they're pretty COOL sayings.

Also, it's always been sexist to say that "A woman's place is in the kitchen". Well if it's so hot, intense, and difficult in there then they isn't that either a compliment or not a sexist thing to say? We should all want to be in the kitchen because that's where you face the flames of immense challenge and fight them off with your extinguisher of perseverance. Either being in a kitchen demands respect or it doesn't! Which one is it?