Dumbass Sayings: “Make Yourself at Home”

Sometimes when you enter someone’s house they say “Hey, there’s cookies and milk on the table, make yourself at home!” Yet for some reason when you take your pants and undies off to let your balls get some air they scream at you. Listen, you said “make yourself at home” so that’s exactly what I do at home. I’m sorry, was I not supposed to take what you said literally? Normally when people say polite crap like that it’s meant to be taken literally like “Get home safe.” You tell me to get home safe and I know to actually get home safe, I know it’s not just figuratively speaking and I should crash my car into a ravine. When I’m at home I walk around naked. This is not an uncommon thing. If you’re in YOUR home then you have a right to feel as free as you want and not constrict yourself to the societal rules of outdoors and other people’s private space. However, when someone gives you that green light to treat their space as your own, that lets me know it’s time to let the Ol’ Binkie Jr. and the twins out. The problem is people presuming to know what you do in the privacy of your own home. You’re lucky all I do is lounge around with my dick and balls out, for all you know I might stick a radish up my ass and start singing “Whip It” by Devo at the top of my lungs. The point is, either mean what you say or don’t be a crappy host by misleading your guests. And if you have the misguided courage to say “Make yourself at home” to people you just met don’t be shocked when things get out of your comfort zone.

When I'm at home I sit nude in front of the fireplace. Is that a surprise?